Just no.

From Typewriter Wiki
Revision as of 04:12, 2 May 2021 by Nekomata (talk | contribs) (Created page with "So, the U6. The Underwood 5's successor, right? The improved one that can fit a decimal tab, cure all the problems with Underwood's tried-and-true design, right? Fuck no The U...")
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)

So, the U6. The Underwood 5's successor, right? The improved one that can fit a decimal tab, cure all the problems with Underwood's tried-and-true design, right? Fuck no The Underwood 6 is a fucking TRAVESTY of typewriter design. A literal downgrade from its predecessor, the 5. I tend to evaluate typewriters on 3 factors -- historical relevance, typing ability, and design. The U6 not only fails to tick ANY of these boxes but also actively fucking kills Underwood's credibility as a manufacturer. No wonder they sold out to Olivetti.The Underwood 5 is a machine ripe in historical use. The 14-ton machine at the World Expo was an U5. Many famous authors used it. It was the most successful machine in the world and single-handedly brought Underwood its reputation. As the first frontstroke visible, it saw a spawn of copies in Europe and even America. But the 6? The fuck does the 6 have? It rides the fucking coattails of the 5 yet fails to retain any relevance. "Hurr durr this is the better upgraded 5" NO IT FUCKING ISN'T. No respectable author used a U6. No respectable person used a U6. Fuck off. And even if it didn't have any relevance at all to history and was a bland successor to a stellar machine, it should at least type comparably if not better, right? WRONG. It's a travesty there too. "We took what worked and we kept it the same but we took what didn't work and this time it interferes with what works". Fucking decimal tab won't save you from having terrible internal design. Did they fix margin release? Nope. How about tab? Wait....there's more shit to go wrong there now. And it's still the same bad design. How about the key action itself? It's the same, but now it likes to fuck up every once in a while thanks to ribbon drive. And speaking of keys, the keytops are travesties too. They took the Champion keytops, too, not even the glass ones. Honestly the only use of the Underwood 6 is to save Champions and Universals from being keychopped since it stole their fucking keys in the '30s. If you write on a fucking Underwood 6 you don't deserve human rights. "But wait, isn't there one more category?" you ask. If you intend to make me suffer through the U6's design and aesthetic choices, fuck off. But for posteriority I'll cover it anyways. They took the glossy, sleek U5, pinstriped beautifully in that Art Deco styling of the '20s, and....gave it crinkle panels. That are inset, mind you, making them IMPOSSIBLE to fucking clean. So you get quality fucking typewriter dust every time you try to use it, no matter what. Unless you soak the whole thing in water and scrub vigourously....destroying the crinkle finish. Just as God intended, because crinkle there was a fucking MISTAKE. And the decals, don't even get me started on the decals. Midway through the production of the U6 some person with a grain of good sense realised that putting the UT Underwood logo and associating their good visual branding with the U6 must've been a fucking MISTAKE so they removed that too. There's even less joy on the ones with crinkled paper tables. As if that were possible. But apparently they could keep the fucking RULER a decal because that's GOOD DESIGN and WILL NOT RUB OFF AND/OR BACKFIRE AT ALL huh Fuck the Underwood 6. Fuck everyone who worked on it, and fuck everything about it.